These past few days, I seemed to feel very edgy and restless.
I don’t know why. Tried to find the cause or causes.. but I couldn’t zoomed in into one particular thing. perhaps it was a ‘mish-mash’ of all…
Maybe I was so stressed out by my works. Yeah, my project’s completion time is a month away. Of course I have a lot of works to catch up besides the daily interruptions from my site people.
Sometime they pissed me off. Site matters should have to be settled on site with the Consultant’s Resident engineer and CoWs. But they keep on pestering me with matters, which sometimes I feel a very simple matter. Yes, I am not an Engineer but based on my experience and pure logic, those things can be simply ‘tackled’.
Sometimes I want to shout “Oh common guys!! Why can’t you all settle these simple issues??”. “Why do you all have to come back to me? Yes, yes I can help you all to solve it but my time for my REAL works is being pushed aside, just to help you all!!” – ha ha.. that’s my inner consciousness speaking, but it will never be heard by them. But I really don’t want to let that ‘inner feelings’ to go out… maybe not now.
But frankly, even with these problems and my inner feelings, I really do don’t feel stressed actually.. That’s why I am puzzled why I feel restless.. Sometimes the heart pounds like somebody who just completed a 100 metre race!! Crazy!!
Perhaps it’s because of my own doing also. You see, I am quite a positive person. I tried to see the good sides of any bad things. If possible I want to draw out every little bit of happiness in a sad situation. I tried to search the light at the end of every dark paths I walked in this life.
Because of that perhaps, my mind always be positive for every breath I take. But my body – or inner feelings – doesn’t quite concur with what my mind is trying to do. So, sometimes things get quite complicated and in the end cause a real mess inside. Perhaps that makes me feel edgy and restless without reasons.. hmm
Ah well.. just writing something to get my mind sorted out..
See ya friends.. hope you all have a great day today
And just to inform you all, today is the first anniversary of my Dad’s passing. May his soul be in peace with the Lord.
Yes, I do miss him. Whenever there is a gathering at home or even at my relatives place, he will always be the person who makes everyone cheerful especially the young ones – my niece and nephews. But for this past one year, without him around the house when I visit my mom.. it seems very ‘different’. I sometimes feel empty. Poor Mom, he is alone at the house.. guess I missed him so much…
Well, I guess I have to accept that he has gone now to a better place for him, away from all the hassles of every day human life and problems. Even more, he now has been released from the pain he endure for almost a year before eventually succumbed to it..
I can’t go on writing this… I am in tears now if I think more and more of my Dad.. shishhh.. oh man..
I initially wanted to write about my edginess and restlessness… but…I digress.. sorry
Ha ha.. forgive my digression friends…
